Provo's Purchase by a Magical Corporation Means Happy Valley Just Got Happier!
Updated: Apr 2
With a “Bibbity, Boppity, Boo,” Provo City, affectionately known as ‘Happy Valley’, has been purchased by a Disney Incorporated ™, often revered for creating the happiest place on earth.
Providing efficient, cost-effective resident services is always challenging with limited funding. With Provo’s purchase by a Fortune 500 entertainment corporation, we can now provide municipal service that makes dreams come true.
“In a time where government trust is at an all-time low, we want our transparency to be as obvious as the nose on our face,” said Nicole Martin, Provo City public information officer. “Citizens can feel confident that we will always use our conscience as our guide—in a way that would earn Jiminy Cricket’s™ approval.”
Many magical changes soon appearing in Provo include:
City Hall will enter its final phase of construction with its transformation into the iconic Cinderella’s Castle. A grand ball will be held to celebrate its opening, ending at midnight, naturally.
Our new airport terminal will be named “Dumbo the Flying Elephant™ Terminal”. Fast[er] passes ™ will be available for expedited passage through TSA.
For those dying to know the answer, yes there will be dole whip and churros served at every restaurant.
Trash cans will now be installed every 20 feet.
Gift shops will be installed at every corner block.
Each neighborhood will be converted to a different “land”, including themes and remodeling requirements.
The iconic song “It’s a Small World After All” ™ will be playing in the streets of downtown Provo, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It will be inescapable.
We will hold a weekly parade through the streets of Provo.
Mayor Kaufusi will be dressed as a different princess every week.
We have a new addition to our Police division – the Avengers ™ effective immediately.
Economically Vibrant is one of Provo’s four pillars and with $10 churros, we feel confident we can continue to keep taxes low for our citizens. While it’s not really a "competition", we feel our new world-class theme park feel might create a little envy for our Orem neighbors.
We would like to thank Provo’s many great residents for their indulgence in this April Fool’s Day prank, to the staff who spent about 5 minutes making this, and to Disney, for being the happiest place on earth.